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[06 May 2006|10:36pm] |
i realize how retarded i was on this site & i apologize.
i wanna delete this god damn thing but i dont know how.
k thnx. bye.
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| so im dreamin solo cause ur loves the one worth waiting for |
[03 Jan 2006|09:02pm] |
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mariah carey-joy ride |
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i hardly use this thing anymore its a waste of time & energy i love u guys tho <333
quickly tho new year..i hope everybody had an amazing new year.
the years off to a shitty start but as long as i have my biffles i`ll be fine.
i like a boy..genuienly like like him...im proud of myself..lets see how long it lasts
♥
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| we`ve been 2 strong for 2 long*and i cant be without you baby |
[10 Dec 2005|09:05pm] |
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maryj*blige_gotta be with u |
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wow, what an intresting past couple of weeks, ive been so "ugh" latley all i can do now is thank god for my friends. ive given up on relationships, i swear im just done with them, i have nothing to give to anyone, and it seems everything i give is never good enough. all that i have to offer is nothing, not even love cause i wont give that away, and the one time i take the chance, it got me nowhere.
one more week till winter vacation, then i can relax and just chill with my friends, maybe i`ll start the job hunt again. i love the christmas season, im just in a better mood lol. i finally got my car insurance! and my parents are putting a down payment on a four door pickup truck for me in 2 months, once they finish paying off the KIA we had. so a car is a late xmas present lol yay
so its final, once i graduate im moving to orlando and im either going to Valencia or Santa Fe, either way i`ll be closer to josh so im happy about that. but my parents and me decided to put the place up for rent again during this time of the year next year and move right after graduation. i cant wait to get away from coral springs, plus lillian is going to orlando for college, and we`ll both have cars to get sony every weekend. i honestly found the friends im going to have until i die. i know alot of people think that the friends they have now are always going to be there , but if their not always there NOW they wont ever be later, thats how i know my three friendships are true, sonjas always there through everything, and i can call lilly anytime crying and she`ll fix it and chany, we may not even get to see her all thetime but when we do, its like we`ve seen eachother everyday for the past 3 years weve been friends. latley ive been depending on this to get me through, and it works. and i mean the three of them are my best friends, but i have some amazing friends, they all know who they are, i depend on them as much as anything, even tho ive been through alot of drama with some of them, we know that its done now and thats all that matters. i just wish one of my friends would wake up and understand his life and not just throw it away, and theres nothing i can do about it, and i hate that.
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[01 Dec 2005|07:06pm] |
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hes leaving me, right after he tells me he loves me.
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[26 Nov 2005|06:42pm] |
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CMT awards |
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i saw rent last night & it was AMAZINGGGGG!!!!!!! oh my god it was so good i cried so much!!!! lilly & me got lost coming home cause we went to sawgrass it was so funny, they had blocked everything cause of apanthers game to we had to go around and i ended up calling a friend and i was like "HOW THE HELL DO I GET TO YOUR HOUSE?!" we were so lost, then we had to pump gas.. yeah that was funny. lol we got good pictures but their still in lillians camera so she has to upload them..but we looked hottt last night, which is funny cause we went shopping at 7 AM yesterday morning and we bought sex stuff and we bought this book & we ended up buying thre wrong book cause we were so emabrassed we just paid and left and in the car we bought a book on masturbation when we MEANT to buy a book on oral sex... it was so embarassing cause we had to go back & get the right one... we laughed for hours.. then we got breakfast at IHOP that was good lilly & me downed 3 cups of coffee yess yesterday was funnnnnn
xoOoxx!
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| there`s only one me & you*` |
[21 Nov 2005|09:44pm] |
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dont forget about us *`mariah |
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do you know that sometimes i still think about us ?
and sometimes i wish we could of worked stuff out.
but did you also know that im just me ?
im not always beautiful
i cant always be nice
and i cant always care what you think
sometimes i have to put me first
but in a better way
i dont wanna be me anymore.
i mean im not sad.. im really not... im just missing something.. i wake up everyday and i feel incomplete. i just want it to go away, i wanna be complete. i just dont know what i need ,
sometimes the things we want
arent always the things we need.
so in the end...
what we get...
is not what we want...
but... is what we need.
i guess i shuld think about that the next time life doesnt go my way..
which will probaly be tomorrow. lol so i`ll let you know.
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[19 Nov 2005|08:54pm] |
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it`s like ten thousands forks..
..when all you need is a knife.
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| i dont wanna go an other day... so im telling u exactly wat is on my mind... |
[17 Nov 2005|06:29pm] |
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pussycat dolls-stick wit u |
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ive taken on way more than i can handle... im mad confused & im hurt and i dont feel like dealing with it anymore. i hate people who judge you without knowing that for once your not the one who fucked up. yeah thats right for once allys not the one who messed up a perfectly fine relationship. it makes me wonder it really does....
does he ever think about me? not in a romantic sense but just in general , does he even care anymore? not in a romantic sense...but just in general.
i shouldnt even be thinking about this.
there are too many guys right now.. i cant handle it and i cant even drop one.. im addicted. i dont want that to sound slutty .. i just dont know what i want now.. after that whole last weekend situation ( everybody basically knows now) im so screwed up and im hurt i just dont know... i dont show it but i think about it all the time.. how do u try to control somebody then act like its all ok?
i just wanna be happy... not like happy.. but geniunely happy. its never gonna happen tho is it?
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| liive your life like you have nothing to loose |
[03 Nov 2005|09:58pm] |
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sooo..... its been good... i mean theres drama but i know its gonna be fine. as long as the drama aint with my boyfriend or my fantastic four.. im good to go.
yesterday was so much fun.. i chilled with chantal, got lunch with brett eddie & chany, then played monopoly & clue with chany & jason.. lol it was so funny i love those people... but i think jimmy was kind of mad at me? i dont know why.. so i didnt do much else last night. lol
yeahh to today i mostly slept all day but i went out for dinner w/ jimmy <33
tomorrow im going to TOYS R US with jimmy.. lmao he has a 25 dollar gift card.. i dont even KNOW how he got it.. i didnt ask questions.. lol but if hes willing to spend it on us im ok with it.. lol
like im seriously soo... gahh i dono.. but i mean like i dont know in a good way.. i like not knowing like this.. it feels nice!
i mean im finally moving on from the past and shit.. it feels good not to care =)
i love my friends.
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| AHHHHH HAAAA ELECTRICCC |
[01 Nov 2005|04:30pm] |
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mariah carey-dont forget about us |
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wow, so i def had no power for 7 days .. lol i had to shower at jimmys ...very funny stuff. yeah so halloween wasnt a waste, lillian slept over and we watched movies and "talked" lmaoo... "10 O'S???? WHHHHHHHHHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?" i love herr i swear. i love chantal too who im finnaly seeing tomorrow. lol good lord. but seriously no electric for 7 days.. iwas goin nuts i swear.....eating cold food & drinking warm soda. and i culdnt always get to jimmys so i also had to take cold ass shit showers. iswearr soo baddd!!! it finnaly came on 2am in the morning like one day ago.. plus i have a six page paper to write on andersonville, and a 3 page paper to write on the crucible ..some puritan shitt.. i dunno how im gunna do it, i lost all of my shit on this computer cause it was on when my electric went out.. so i have to start from scratch.. do you think they will give us all extensions?? cause i know other people had alot of shit due too, and with no libraries open its hard... not to mention my car doesnt drive to well with a tree jammed thru the window.. yeah my window busted.. we got it fixed tho. FEMA paid for it & all is good.. but this only happened yesterday, i dont know how i can accomplish this, i also have an oral report due for the same class as the six page paper.. somebody help me!! i mean seriously they have to give us more time right????..
,... it was ok tho.. i spent most of my nights on the fone with my boyfriend till 2am.. and other nights it was lillian, or my CARLOS!!! <33 lol
oh my god i heard some very disturbing news i really hope its not true.. i mean i have a bf i shouldnt care about this news.. but it hurts so much...i wish i had to strengh to sit back and be like "fuck it" lol but i dont... ughh im gonna find out the truth regardless of what i have to sacrifice.
oh man... he really fucked up this time.. lmaooooo he turned one of his good friends against him.. what an idiot... he was supposed to be her best friend.. lol and he fucked her over good.. who knew he had a backbone. im kinda upset and kinda proud the kid grew some balls to be a dick. cocky muther fucker who has NOOOOO right to be cocky lol i swear somebody needs to give that kid a rude awakening.. and soon. hmm maybe i`ll do it my little old self.. tee heee
xoxoxo!
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| remember |
[23 Oct 2005|12:05am] |
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http://www.geocities.com/babie6url209/
read this & turn up your speakers, its long but its ssad & it made me have a mini epiphony (spelling?lol).
so i realized that you should never take anything or anyone for granted, if you love somebody, tell them. even if you havent talked in awhile, or your not on great terms... you once were and if you still love them then why dont they know? what scares me is that maybe you`ll never talk to that one person again, never give them another a hug, or say i love you. but what if you lose that chance, cause maybe tomorrow they wont be there....
i feel so... i dont know. something is missing.
on a brighter note i hung out with my lovley jimmy & watched the astros lose ( i love carlos lol)hes so cute i turn on sports to shut him up......but it doesnt work... lol.
but yeah so i need to showerrr. xoxoxo
and btw.
i love you.
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[20 Oct 2005|04:11pm] |
my boyfriend is way to cute.
stupid
but cute.
he likes to show off his legs.
and when hes frustrated his ears turn pink.
hes my little jewish matza ball.
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[15 Oct 2005|02:58pm] |
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hawthorne heights |
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hes so good to me. he takes me out all the time. i never have to pay. hes such a retard. but hes my retard & he makes me happy. =)it feels so nice to everything perfect// theres no drama with me, and everybody is friends & i couldnt be happier.
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[09 Oct 2005|07:42pm] |
homecoming was amazing..
my body is so sore but it was worth it.
=)
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| homecoming tomorrow! |
[07 Oct 2005|03:16pm] |
got my nails done
got a hair appt
got my dress
got my date <33 who also has his BLACK tux. lol that matches MY dress
lillian and jamie made friends so we can all hang out at homecoming
got the carrr ( were going in a cute little buggy!)
everything is perfect.
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| what would you say, if i took those words away? |
[04 Oct 2005|10:39pm] |
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frankie j "more than words" |
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hey!!! today was so funy, so i went to the mall with sony & jimmy to get sonja a dress & stuff for my dress (earings & hair diamond things) and i dressed jimmy up in hollister.. lol he looked hot. sonja kacie heather & me were like damn! lol ahhhhaaa hes mine bitch! but yeah so sony was in an interview at hollister to i ate with kacie heather & jimmy and weve established hes cute but clueless, so we all go thr bathroom and were talking about him, and i was talking about "stuff" lol and i didnt know there was a hole in the door and all u see is him outside nodding his head. lmaoo it was sooo funnny i was like SHIT! then i stubbed my toe on a trash can and jimmy carried me the whole 5 feet to hollister. fuckinnn when we were in the food court the ceiling leaked on me and kacie. wtf? arent malls supposed to be safer? aww hes so cute, he always opens the door for me, even when its pouring. =) its so great. were going to homecoming in his silver/white bug. lol its so cute, sonja me him & sonjas date.. shes trying to get rid of him... its hilarious we even told him homecoming was cancelled.... oh my god were mean, but hes so clingy to her, he calls her and hes like I MISS U. its sick me and her like sit and laugh. clingy boys are NOT cute. lol but yeah so i got the perfect dress, hot shoes, hot hair, a nail appt friday at 1, nice earings, all i need are diamond pins for my hair, a few nice bracelets and im good to go! i got jimmy a white tux with a silver vest, i friggin wanted black to match me but noo... gotta have their way.
gotta go! xOoxO
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| WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE |
[02 Oct 2005|08:59pm] |
IM SOoOOOOOOOOOOOOo HAPPY.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS
I LOVE MY LIFEEEEEE
this week WILL be amazing
HEARTS HEART & MORE EFFIN HEARTS.
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[01 Oct 2005|01:31pm] |
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niki fm -hawthorne heights |
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FB game was soooo amazing. hung out with lillian, jimmy & eric , got painted, wrote JPT backwards so it looked like TPJ. lmaoo then after went to mcdonalds with everybody, then danced outside lillians car. lol then drove around like losers blasting rap music. fun night. we fucking killed douglas. it was great.
yeah i swear it took me 3 washes to get the blue out of my hair.
gaHH I lOOVE mYyy fRiENDss!
homecoming is in SEVEN DAYS! HOW EXCITED R U?!
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[28 Sep 2005|10:12pm] |
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 mad as hell |
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silver bullet -hawthorne heights |
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i dont know myself at all.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
alot actually.
yeah.. no.
i dont know.
why cant i ?
"this or that"
"why , why not"
who cares
i care
why?
i have no fucking clue.
this is me tryin to reason out things in my head.
do i really care what you think.
no.
do i really care about anything anymore
kinda.
not kinda. yes or no
why am i doing this to myself
i feel like i wanna die all over again.
this is so fucking stupid. im so fucking stupid.
no your so fucking stupid.
why the fuck do you say things
and not think?
your so fucking lucky i dont cut your ass off from people.
cause i never cared in the first place
but u hadda open ur big as fucking mouth and say something
your just a fucking user
you get all your info then u see no point in talking
you need to be friends with, or dont talk to at all
cause you wont get fucking info from anybody.
i mean what the fuck, your lucky i dont tear ur fucking ass limb from muther fuckin limb, and dont act like i wont fuckin do it.
i will. and the only reason im not is cause i dont wanna pay 250 for self gratification.
wait mother fucker, you`ll get yours.
whoa how did this post turn into that?
i dono but i feel better.
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[24 Sep 2005|10:43am] |
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fallout boy! |
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heyy! so after school it was Leahs 18th birthday! so we took her to fridays , kacie , heather, jason, sonja, & me. it was madd fun. lol we sat at the "holy shyt table"it was great, then i gave sonja a lap dance in kacies backseat in a moving car, that was funny as hell considering the look i got from the car behind us. lOL.
then i went to sleep & jared picked me up around 8 :20ish and we went by the talent show, and LILLIAN WON! i was sooo effing happy i swear to god if somebody else won i was going to shit bricks. but AH SHE WON!!! my voice is like half missing from yelling her "nicknames" lmao. but jared and me spent most of the nite looking for a party and when that didnt work out we parked his car and got drunk of barcadie by ourselves.. yeah THAT was eventful. lol but yeahhh so now its wayyy to early for me cause sadly enuff im hungover. yeah. but im off to the mall to go buy my homecoming dress!
xoxo!
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